Review: Combat Crunch Birthday Cake Bar

Confession: while I portray myself as a foodie, I also have a soft spot for protein bars. Yes, they’re not the same as “real” food, but there’s something intriguing about the challenge of trying to make an appealing-tasting packaged food that tries to fit within some nutritional constraints. The common elements of these bars (especially in the context of recent trends) include high protein content, low carbohydrate content, and moderately high fiber. To accomplish this, they generally rely on some sort of artificial sweetener, typically stevia or sucralose, and sugar alcohols.

Some are terrible, but a surprising number are a decent-tasting snack that can be sweet without the feelings I usually associate with sugary foods. Maybe it’s all in my head. Regardless, given the number of different varieties I try, I figured I would systematically review them.

First up is Combat Crunch. This ridiculously-named bar is one of the better-tasting lines I have tried. They tend to run sweet, are generously sized, and have a mix of textures. While many high-protein bars can be tough and chewy, Combat Crunch combines a mildly chewy component with a sweet chocolate or white chocolate coating and a some crunchy elements (hence the name). Birthday Cake flavors have been the latest rage in the protein bar market, though it’s still considered a “limited edition” flavor for Combat Crunch. The size and general appearance is similar to other bars in this line, but the taste is quite different. 

It doesn’t really taste much like birthday cake to me, or any cake. A better comparison might be sugar cookie dough or cake batter – there’s a bit of an unappealing raw flavor. There’s a bit of a crunch from the colored “sprinkles” on top of the bar, but the pasty texture and odd flavoring is a step down from the other flavors in this line. It is a tolerable, but not necessarily enjoyable bar. I prefer the texture to the more taffy-like Quest bars, but the flavor on this one is off. The worst of this line.

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